*Click, clack, click, clack,* I am waiting and aimlessly tapping my feet on the ground and fingers on my laptop, as I struggle hard to get myself up to this blog. The last month has been quite refreshing. After a quarter of ‘no-travel’, I hit the road once again. A lot of things have changed since then. I am feeling way better than I was feeling in the last few months. I am thankful that I finally was able to visit Ladakh- my dream destination of many years. I am ever so thankful to the universe to having finally answered my pleas- a story close to my heart was finally published this week.
I have more or less, started to build a community of my readers on this blog and social media. I might not have a windfall of readers turning to my blog or brands teeming up for collaborations yet. But I am at heart’s content traveling and immersing peacefully in the fact that today Feet on the Map has its own brand recall, no matter how small.
Now that, I have a close circle of people who follow my travels and wholeheartedly support my travel goals or rather I would say life goals, I thought I would make a small admission. And so I have decided to bare a small part of my heart and talk about something that actually led to the beginning of this wonderful adventure.
Hypothyroid! Those of you who know me closely, or have been following my blog since the beginning, know the genesis of my story- would know that I have been detected with Hypothyroid- 3 years back. To the uninitiated, it is a physical condition, where the hormone fails to secrete the desired levels of thyroid and lead to a person putting on weight, feeling helpless, giddy, nausea, etc. Besides that, I also have a tendency to lose my calm at the slightest feel of a provocation, I feel stressed easily and I am a highly anxious person. Friends and family who are extremely close to me, know it, that the condition impacts my food habits and my lifestyle in general. I tend to drink less of water, get dehydrated easily, have a ‘morning sickness’ almost every day and it is an extremely tedious lot of effort and time to just get out of my bed. Not to forget, that I am getting fatter, and fatter and fatter by each second!
I have tried exercising, practicing yoga, cycling to no avail. I start and leave my workout sessions mid-way, not because I am lethargic (as my mother likes me to believe) but it is just extremely painful and my body doesn’t approve of it. I am sometimes unable to sleep in the night, some times stay wide-awake in deep hours of night crying or just trying to direct my brain to sleep. I constantly over think and start crying at the slightest of a problem situation. I don’t know, if people have realized, but I have reduced down socializing, almost disappearing from my friends network, only to return to a bout of temporary reclaiming myself. Honestly, it isn’t helping, because people think I am some sort of nut or narcissist, trying to gain attention through my “unpredictability.”
To state the truth, I have no answers to any questions that are being raised on my “missing quotient.” I have no idea, if and why I have become such a recluse. I am still comfortable talking to people on the internet or when they are not watching me. But I find it utterly and fairly draining when it comes to face-to-face or interpersonal reactions. I have stopped going to my friend/cousin’s place. I stopped partying, meeting people over dates, altogether and I just keep on finding situations to avert any sort of personal contact. Not because I hate you or don’t want to talk to you. You silly, no, I am not avoiding you.
I am just traveling, not because I want to travel. Not because I want to blog or become a celebrated travel writer. But because, I want to feel good, about myself, about my friends and family. About the world at large. In fact, after some intense social media interactions with friends, I have even come to realize – that the only thing at this point in time, soothing my nerves is travel. It is the only thing that doesn’t scare me or put in a spot. I can breathe, I can stop and just stare at sweet nothings.
Thankfully, @Srinistuff, my partner in travel has given me a good dose of benefit by reintroducing me to the magic of travels and more importantly the remedial nature of travels. Last month, during my visit to Ladakh, even though, I had a stressful trip (I had a leg injury thanks to an accident), I was still at peace amidst high barren mountains, harsh climate and stark landscapes. I was nothing but at peace, peace with the world and within myself. The food I ate, was perhaps at a road side dhabba or a local ladakhi’s home-stay. It just did good to me. I kept on drinking lots of water. In spite of having been detected with Sinus and having been forewarned by the doctor on visiting a low Oxygen area, just a day prior to Ladakh, I barely felt anything that was close to being sick.
I don’t know or can’t explain at this point in time, what travel is doing to me. But as I see it and understand, it is doing me a world of good. Some friends and even my mother have blamed it on my ‘escapism’ attitude. But no, I am not escaping, you silly. If I were doing that, I wouldn’t find it alluring to come back to you and this blog, after having been out there in the wild and a field of nothingness in Korzok, the Changthang plateau, a dry, arid and barren grounds of the roof of the world. But as soon as I see you and start settling in the “home” of love, affection, family and everything else- I feel silly sick and want to go out wild again.
May be it is just a lust. It is called wanderlust.